Avatar, James Camerons latest Sci-Fi epic, has been the subject of hot debate. Lauded by some as the next big thing in film, and others saying it was overrated and not that great.
Guess what? It's overrated and not that great. Yeah, I know, hating a popular thing is cool nowadays. But seriously, Avatar isn't that good.
The story follows America soldiers as they invade the planet Something-or-Other for a valuable mineral (which I will get to later). One of the soldiers infiltrate the planets homeworlders, falls in love with the chiefs daughter, and ends up fighting for their side. Oh, and the natives have an affinity with nature and believe the planet itself to be sacred.
Main dude: His character is pretty much every main character in a story like this. He's a typical military man who develops feelings for a native woman and is now kind. Nice one.
Blue woman: She just spouts on about how the land is sacred, and then realises she's hot for a bit of human snake. That's pretty much her whole character.
Sigourney Weaver: I would still hit it. Also she's a doctor who turns into an alien and dies.
Dude who tries to infiltrate aliens but fails: I liked this guy. Actually, I didn't, I just like Joel Moore. He's a fun actor, if he was the main character I'd probably have preferred this film.
Captain King, Military Man: Oh wow, can you say cliche harder? Everytime you see this guy, he's ever lifting weights or shooting something. He reminds me of Arnie-like characters from the 80s and early 90s, the type of characters society grew out of around the time we realised that muscles don't make a good character.
Captain King II, Douchebag: So this guy, his whole character is pretty much "I DON'T CARE ABOUT TEH ALIENS I WANT THE MINERALZ". Nice one.
Right, so overdone story, cliched characters, can I complain anymore about the creative side of the film?
Yes. I can. WHAT THE FUCK IS UNOBTAINIUM?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME JAMES CAMERON?
Okay, for those who don't know, Unobtainium is the name given to a mineral or ore in a movie that's "unobtainable" and "needed", or something along those lines. For example, you could call the spice in Dune, "Unobtainium". It's kind of like a "Macguffin", which is an object used as a plot device (the ring in LotR).
It's a term used to describe it. IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD ACTUALLY NAME THE MINERAL IN YOUR MOVIE! Now, you may be thinking it's a clever reference to this. And, you know, it could be that. If the name wasn't so ridiculous. I mean, if I watched a film with a Macguffin in, I would be mildly annoyed, but hey, I can dig it. But "Unobtainium" is such a fucking ridiculous word that it pulls you right out of the fiction. Any argument made that the film is engrossing can be destroyed by this one word. Even people that don't know what "Unobtainium" actually is will still find this ridiculous. Was it so hard to come up with another word for it? I've got one Fuckingjokeium.
Right, I've ranted about that now, let's get onto the technical side of things. Well, you know what? This film is truly a spectacle to watch. I mean that, it looks stunning. The 3-D works superbly, and the CG is so close to life it seems uncanny. If you are gonna watch this film, watch it in the cinema in 3-D, nothing else would do these visuals justice.
But visuals don't make a film, do they? A film can be nice to look at it, but if the story isn't engaging, or the characters aren't great, who cares? There's a reason pornos don't win Oscars, despite being nice to look at.
But Avatar will win Oscars. That's the depressing thing. Avatar will win lots of awards, and people will hail it as the greatest ever. People like me will be considered cinematic douchebags, grouped with the people who don't like Tarantino because he's too violent.
If I had to rate it, I'd give Avatar a 4/10. I would not rewatch it, and I certainly won't buy it on DVD. This is the guy that made Terminator, Aliens and Titanic, and I really expected something better when I slipped on those 3-D glasses.
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