Tuesday 22 December 2009

Of the Year Part 2

COMEDIAN OF THE YEAR
Rhod Gilberts had a fantastic year. He's gone from relative obscurity to a huge force in British comedy, with his DVD selling buttloads. His Angry Welsh stage persona has captivated people around our small isle. On top of that, his DVD "Rhod Gilbert and the Award Winning Mince Pie" is probably one of the funniest DVDs released this year- you owe it to yourself to watch it.

ANIME SERIES OF THE YEAR
Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood is a reimagining of the original series, with the story sticking a lot closer to the manga. After a rushed start, the series has really picked up in the last 20 episode or so, with some amazing twists and top notch character development. The story has gone from "Okay for a shounen" to "Fucking amazing", making the series an easy pick for best anime this year.

EVENT OF THE YEAR

Due to illness, I didn't much enjoy the October expo. However, May 2009 was a fantastic time, and to date my favourite expo. Photographed a lot, lots of free hugs, and a great social experience. I can't wait until next May, where hopefully illness won't rear it's ugly head again.

Sunday 20 December 2009

Jamie and the Giant Blog Of the Year Edition

Haven't done a post in while, heres my "STUFF OF THE YEAR!"

WEBSITE OF THE YEAR


Okay, maybe this one is cheating a bit. I mean, after all, I AM editor of the site. Maybe a different, less biased choice is in order.


Tumblr is a site that has been around since around '07, but only recently have I discovered it. Tumblr is a website that basically means "Hey guys look what I just found online". Imagine StumbleUpon but rather than being based on a bunch of strangers thumbing things up, its all your friends showing you cool things. For example, a friend tumbl'd this . Any website that helps me find that is pretty damn good.
It's also one of the better blogging tools out there. Not as fine as good ol' Blogger, but it's a lot better than "I now realise its not that great" Twitter.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Lady Gaga is the current day Madonna, and I will argue this statement until I die. She's outrageous, a good singer (despite how much autotune her producers use) and is very sexual. She is also extremly popular with the young generation, whilst the older people don't -get- it. That's exactly what Madonna was. And you know what? The Fame Monster is one of the best made dance-pop albums ever made. Don't believe? Go on Youtube and listen to Bad Romance or Monster. Then tell me that this album isn't pure gold.

INTERNET FUNNY GUY OF THE YEAR


Hey, anyone you ask woulda thought I'd have given this to TheSpoonyOne. And you know, fanboyism almost made me do just that. But y'know what? Nostalgia Critic had a better year. Spoony seems to be mulling around, not sure how many "skits" he should put in as opposed to actual reviews, and his reviews have been getting a little on the long side. However, NC has been consistant, putting out a slew of fantastic reviews. This guys still funny, and is on a massive roll. SpoonyOne had an okay year, but Nostalgia Critic had a bloody phenonemal one.

MOVIE OF THE YEAR

I'm gonna be honest, I haven't seen much cinema at all this year. And by that, I mean I haven't been once. District 9, Inglorious Basterds, Thirst, Terminator Salvation...all films I wanted to see, but never got round to it. Nevertheless, here is the film I saw for the first time this year that I enjoyed the most:



Oh yes. Call me a "Emo faggot who doesn't know what deep truly is its just pretentious you know", but I LOVE Evangelion. And no, it's not because its "LOLDEEP", I just generally love the characters, designs, story and things. And the movie takes the series, and ups it times a million. I loved it from beginning to end, and am truly relishing the Blu-Ray release over here, as well as the second ones release.

COMEBACK OF THE YEAR
If the X-Factors good for one thing, it's bringing back Journey. Oh hell yes. Was tempted to give this to RatM for getting Chrimbo#1 (Nice job, by the way), but christ. SOME OF DEM DAT BURN CROSSES isn't as sing-alongable as JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL. Good song. Deserving of being put back into the limelight.

CHOCOLATE OF THE YEAR


The king is back. You like Wispas? WELL FUCK YOU HAVE SOME CARAMEL MOTHERFUCKER. Why did they cancel this? Why was this only a limited run? I don't care, all I know is that I had Wispa Gold goodness again, even if for a short period


Best of the other awards:

Game of the Year: Dragon Age: Origins
Tea of the Year: Twinings Earl Grey
Drink of the Year: Pepsi
Retailer of the Year: CeX
Park-Chan Wook of the Year: Sympathy for Lady Vengence
TV Series of the Year: Gavin and Stacey Series 3

Saturday 12 December 2009

VGA - Awards (Shamelessly Copy and Pasted from Destructoid)

Game of the Year

  • Assassin's Creed 2
  • Batman: Arkham Asylum
  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
  • Left 4 Dead 2
  • Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

Studio of the Year

  • Infinity Ward
  • Naughty Dog
  • Rocksteady Studios
  • Valve

Best Independent Game Fueled by Dew

  • 'Splosion Man
  • Flower
  • Osmos
  • Trials HD

Best Xbox 360 Game

  • Batman: Arkham Asylum
  • Halo 3: ODST
  • Forza Motorsport 3
  • Left 4 Dead 2

Best PS3 Game

  • inFAMOUS
  • Killzone 2
  • Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time
  • Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

Best Wii Game

  • Madworld
  • New Super Mario Bros. Wii
  • Punch-Out!!
  • Wii Sports Resort

Best PC Game

  • Dragon Age: Origins
  • Left 4 Dead 2
  • Plants vs. Zombies
  • The Sims 3

Best Handheld Game

  • Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
  • Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story
  • Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box
  • Scribblenauts

Best Shooter

  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
  • Halo 3: ODST
  • Killzone 2
  • Left 4 Dead 2

Best Fighting Game

  • Blazblue: Calamity Trigger
  • Soulcalibur: Broken Destiny
  • Street Fighter IV
  • Tekken 6

Best Action Adventure Game

  • Assassin's Creed 2
  • Batman: Arkham Asylum
  • Brutal Legend
  • Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

Best RPG

  • Borderlands
  • Demon's Souls
  • Dragon Age: Origins
  • Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story

Best Multi-player Game

  • Borderlands
  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
  • Halo 3: ODST
  • Left 4 Dead 2

Best Individual Sports Game

  • Fight Night Round 4
  • Tiger Woods PGA Tour 10
  • UFC 2009 Undisputed
  • Wii Sports Resort

Best Driving Game

  • Dirt 2
  • Forza Motorsport 3
  • Gran Turismo (PSP)
  • Need for Speed Shift

Best Music Game

  • DJ Hero
  • Guitar Hero 5
  • LEGO Rock Band
  • The Beatles: Rock Band

Best Soundtrack

  • Brutal Legend
  • DJ Hero
  • Guitar Hero 5
  • The Beatles: Rock Band

Best Original Score

  • Assassin's Creed 2
  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
  • Halo 3: ODST
  • Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

Best Graphics

  • Batman: Arkham Asylum
  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
  • Killzone 2
  • Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

Best Game Based on a Movie/TV Show

  • Ghostbusters: The Video Game
  • South Park Let's Go Tower Defense Play!
  • The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena
  • X-Men Origins: Wolverine Uncaged Edition

Best Performance by a Human Female

  • Eliza Dushku as Rubi Malone
  • Kristen Bell as Lucy Stillman
  • Megan Fox as Mikaela Banes
  • Tricia Helfer as Dare

Best Performance by a Human Male

  • Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman
  • Hugh Jackman as Wolverine
  • Samuel L Jackson as Afro Samurai/Ninja Ninja
  • Shia LeBeouf as Sam Witwicky
  • Vin Diesel as Richard B. Riddick

Best Cast

  • Brutal Legend
  • Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard
  • Ghostbusters: The Video Game
  • South Park: Let's Go Tower Defense Play!
  • Wolverine

Best Voice

  • Arleen Sorkin as Harley Quinn
  • Claudia Black as Chloe Frazer
  • Jack Black as Eddie Riggs
  • Mark Hamill as The Joker
  • Nolan North as Nathan Drake

Best Downloadable Game

  • Battlefield 1943
  • Fat Princess
  • Plants vs. Zombies
  • Shadow Complex

Best DLC

  • Fallout 3 - Broken Steel
  • Fallout 3 - Point Lookout
  • Grand Theft AUto IV: The Lost and the Damned
  • Grand Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony

Most Anticipated Game

  • BioShock 2
  • God of War III
  • Mass Effect 2
  • Starcraft II

my VGA notes

Spike VGAs in 2 minutes, squeeee

New Batman game confirmed, Jack Black won best voice actor

New True Crime game. Because True Crime did so well the last time.

Livestream worked just in time for me to see a trailer for the new Tron game. I came.

Tron trailer ends, Tony Hawks comes out to announce the winner for Best Action Adventure game. I love the VGAs

Assassin's Creed 2 won it. Odd, it beat out uncharted 2 and Arkham Asylum. Didnt see that one coming.


Deadliest Warrior videogame announced. Whatever that is. UP NEXT: SAMUEL L JACKSON ANNOUNCES TE NEW STAR WARS GAME

the UFC 2010 was underwhelming. Oh well, out walks Zach Braff with a cosplaying blonde chick. Harry should be watching this, really.

He's announcing studio of the year. Winner is: Rocksteady Studios. Good choice.

HERES SAMUEL L JACKSON. COME ON, NEW STARS GAME IS...FORCE UNLEASHED 2. DUAL LIGHTSABERS FOR THE 2. AS A FAN OF THE FIRST GAME, I AM HAPPY.

Jake Gylylylylhallneo is on stage, talking about Prince of Persia movie. Showing new clip of it. Definitly looks Prince of Persia, I can really see this movie going well.

Best Team Sports Game. No-one cares about that award. NHL won. Whoop-de-doo.

Exclusive footage of the new Prince of Persia game? Do want. Looks more like a game of the movie, oddly enough, but still, its made by Ubisoft. So I trust it'll be good.

Hugh Jackmen won best preformance by a male (Wolverine Origins) and the game also won best cast. Thats...anti-climatic.

Best indie game, Flower. Never played it, but heard good things. I know for a fact it won a VGA. :P

Live preformance by Snoop Dog. Videogames.

Right, coming up: Crackdown 2 trailer, reveal of who will be in the next Rock Band game. Except the whole Rock Band Green Day trailer released earlier this year probably ruined that. Doh.

Okay, new game reveal. Over the shoulder third person shooter from the looks of it, in a post-war torn city. Looks cool. Spec Ops: The Line.

Best individual sports game. Almost as exciting as best team. UFC 2009.

Crackdown 2 premiere. First was pretty damn good. Second looks...less so. But hey, its still Crackdown.

Snoop Dog announcing best RPG game. Seeing him trying to act gangsta whilst talking wizards is funny. Dragon Age Origins won, thank God. Also collecting "Best PC Game". Well done Bioware, you've blown the gaming world away once again. I applaud you.

Though they ruined me getting happy for Bioware by showing a trailer for Green Day Rock Band. Cheers VGA.

"Best Other winnesr". Megan Fox - Best female. Shadow Complex - Best downloadable. New Super Mario - Best wii. Ballad of Gay Tony - Best DLC. God of War 3 - Most anticipated. They just kinda skipped past those awards to get to the GotY. Ah well.

Footage from new Medal of Honor. Will the king of war games return? Or will it still be in CoDs shadow? Gonna be honest, the trailer showed us nothing new, it seems a lot like CoD4. As in, exact. Disappointing.

Mike Tyson and some people I don't know are having awkward dialogue on stage. And now heres the winner for the best shooter: Modern warfare 2. I didn't even have to wait for them to announce it, its obvious they'd go for the popular choice as opposed to something deserving (It also won best multiplayer, despite L4D2 coming this year. Yeah, its a rehash of L4D, but MW2 is a rehash of MW so...)

More other winners. Best Fighting: SFIV, best handheld: GTA Chinatown, best driving: Forza 3, best soundtrack: DJ Hero, best 360: Left4Dead 2, best original score: halo ODST, best game based off of movie/show: South Park Tower Defence (Lol, ghostbusters and chronicles of riddick were nominated)

Best musicgame presented by: Stevie Wonder. Thats pretty cool. Though he wants games for blind people. Yeah keep dreaming. Winner is Beatles Rock Band.

And now a preformance from the bravery. Then I think we're getting Game of the Year, before the show wraps up. Some good reveals and a fairly predictable award ceremony, an okay way to spend a 2 hours.

Some girl just came on and gushed about Halo being the best FPS ever. Yeah right. Now for a Halo Reach trailer. Saying this as someone who didn't enjoy Halo 1 through 3, I have to say I always liked the trailers. Hence why I played all 3- good trailers. But the trailer for Reach is shit. I mean...REALLY shit. Guess I wont be wasting money on this one.

Jake Gullygullyhall is back? ooo, he's announcing Game of the Year! My vote goes for Dragon Age Origins (despite it not being nominated). Destructoid Poll has Uncharted 2 winning by 50%, lets see if the general public agrees.

And the Spike VGA Game of the Year 2009 is...UNCHARTED 2: AMONG THIEVES. Also picked up best PS3 game and best graphics. Not played the game myself, but if it's half as good as Harry says, I'd say that's a fair award.

Well, there you have it, end of the awards for another year. Will post all these posts all together on my blog, as well as show a list of all the winners. Night x.

Thursday 3 December 2009

I've finally found one

For those of you who don't know, Oxygen Interactive a shovelware company who spew out a load of crap. One particular line of crap is their fairly tale games. Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin, etc. Now, these games are quite hard to find in shops, and I'm never inclined to go out my way to order them online.

Well, today, CeX had one. The Snow Queen Quest. Y'know, I've been thinking about game I should do as my first FBE video review. I think I found it.

Thursday 26 November 2009

CeX



CeX! I'm calling you out!

I've had enough! Enough of your cheap and wide array of DVDs! Enough of spending way too much money in you! Enough of selling all my worldy possessions in you! Enough of being late to important meetings because of you!

I am breaking up with you! I will hereby never set foot in your store again!

Until probably saturday when I have money see you later babes xx

Today I bought:

Clerks. X
Clerks 2
Ben-Hur
Brokeback Mountain
Scrooged
Time Machine

For like £14. ._.

Wednesday 25 November 2009

Y'know, probably should start using my blog as a, well, blog

Right, so, my day. Was alright. Then shit. Then alright.

Oh, you want me to go further? Well, okay.

Had a "University Taster" day today at Portsmouth Uni. So it obviously tasted of shit. Okay, bit harsh, but I have to say their "Creative Writing" lecturer rubbed me the wrong way. She introduced herself, like so:

"Hi, I'm Blah Blah, a published author. Here are my books"

Now, sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but that's a pretty fucking pompous introduction. Hey, I have no problem if she said something like "I'm an author", but putting the word 'published' makes the pompous pie, my friend. Also, showing off your books? Stop advertising, if they were good enough to buy I'd have heard of them.
Anyway, she then spent an hour talking about Greek Mythology. Yeah, creative writing! Well, her excuse for this was that every story can be traced back to Greek mythology, and there are no original stories or characters.

Well, hold on a minute, there's no Greek story about aliens being unfrozen at an Antarctic Research station. Or about Bill Murray capturing ghosts. "Well," you might be saying, "They're sorta derived from the Good VS Evil stories of that time".
And that's the shittest support for a theory I've ever heard. That's like saying rocks have always existed, so Stonehenge is pretty unoriginal. I mean christ, films are more complicated nowadays. We have films that aren't Good VS Evil, because the evil is a skewed version of good. We have films that aren't a "Classic love triangle", but with more complicated romantical themes around them. Films, and in fact, stories in general (I'm a Film student, I talk about films a lot, so sue me), have evolved so much that comparing them to the tales of old and saying that they have SLIGHTLY similar themes and therefore are not original is downright insulting.
This woman also tried to convince us of the "same stories" theory by telling us about the Aztec creation theory and the Christianity creation theory, and pointing out the similarities.
WELL, DUH. Christianity is a COMBINATION of several religions. Pointing out similarities between that and other religions is like pointing out similarities between I Am Legend and Omega Man.

But ah well, silly lady left, then we visited some media gents. Finally, something interesting! Had a rousing discussion about 3-D and how it'll be the next big thing. Except, honestly, I don't think it will.
Okay, I get the appeal of maybe watching the odd show in 3-D, sure. Watching an episode of Doctor Who a week in 3-D, I can get behind that. But does anyone want to watch all their TV in 3-D? Does anyone want to watch a 3hr long movie in 3-D? Will anyone actually care if somethings not in 3-D?
I'm sure most of you agree with me on this. The jump from B+W to colour was somewhat needed. 4:3 to Widescreen allowed a more cinematic experience. SD to HD gives us better quality. What does 3-D give us? A novelty. And headaches if used for too long. It's not the next big thing, it's a novelty, and I honestly think that most people will pass it up.


But anyway, we left the Uni, we went to McDonalds, me and my friends ate food and were merry. I went to CeX and bought some banging films. The Thing, Children of Men, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Terminator and Be Kind, Rewind.

Okay, banging except that last one. But hey, you have to admit that for an American comedy, it put out a pretty funny trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYOKFV0XNZA

Try linking that to a Greek myth.

Sunday 22 November 2009

18 Year Old Virgin



At what point does a film stop becoming a movie, and become a porno? This is a question that 18 Year Old Virgin, another Asylum 'Mockbuster', ponders on a great deal.

The plot centres around Cute-but-Virgin-Girl (I can't remembers anyone's names, so sue me. We'll call her CbVG for now) as she tries to lose her virginity at a party so she can sleep with a guy who has a 'no virgins' policy. I say "Policy", he phrases it like this:

"I'm sorry, I made a vow to myself. I can't have sex with a virgin". The word "Vow" adds so much power to this line. It's as if he's been plagued in the past. I can imagine this character, on a stormy night in Bickley, finding upon a virgin who promises to love him so. Through months of courting, they end up in the bedroom, where he unleashes the furious sexual beast he has onto her unsuspecting pure and virgin body. He feels satisfied to have pleased his virgin lover. She moans about how good it was, and how brilliant he is in bed. And then she puts the X Factor on.
Never again will he make that mistake.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. So, CbVG spends the majority of the movie running around this party trying to fuck dudes. So what we basically have is awkward sex scene after awkward scene, with a lot of boobs and vagina's to keep the spirits high. And this is where my original question comes into play: At what point does it become porn? You don't see any actual insertion, but its a film about sex with lots of nudity in. Surely that makes it porn? Because if so...It's good. Plotwise, I mean. I mean, its got some funny lines in, the acting is decent, and the story is entertaining (despite a rather predictable ending).
However, if this was intended to be a teenage comedy with some nudity thrown in...then...
It's just not good enough. The funny lines are few and far between, and the acting doesn't make up for the unbelievable characters presented. For example, you expect me to believe that a cute, virgin girl can't find a single boy, at a party where lots of boys are drinking, to fuck? I mean come on, I've been to parties, if a girl is willing enough a girl WILL get laid. Hell, the fact the dude at the beginning didn't jump on her is a sign that he is gay. Spoiler, at the end it's revealed he's gay. Doy.
The funny bits come thin and slow, with a lot of the humour relying on awkward situations. It's a comedy style that's been so perfected by Peep Show its odd to see an American Mockbuster try to compete, but it does give it a go. The highlight of the awkwardness is when CbVG tries to get it with Gwlhbwaiute (Guy who loves her but won't admit it until the end. Lets call him Gwilh for short), and the awkwardness is almost unbearable. In a funny way.
When it comes to the humour, I would like to quickly mention one line. It came out of nowhere, and actually made me laugh quite a bit.

"I will wait until 40 to lost my virginity if I have to"


Nice, referencing the film you're trying to rip people into thinking is yours. I found this an amusing, slight-self referential line, and I do have to pat the backs of the writers for that line. But then stab them for all the others.

But, no matter how I complain about it, the film isn't extremely terrible. Y'know, compared to a few other Asylum films, I'd say it stacks up pretty well. This could be in cinemas. Hell, worse films have been in cinemas across the country. In short, this film is the tits. Literally.

Friday 20 November 2009

Playstation 3 Boxes VS PS3 Boxes

I bought Assassins Creed 2 today, on the day of its UK release. I could go and start playing it right now.

But I'm going to review boxes instead.



Front

Assassins Creed 2 is the new PS3 design, Grand Theft Auto IV is the old Playstation 3 design

Right off the bat, the new design seems a bit off. At the top, underneath the clear plastic makes it look like a lot more space is being wasted. It also seems more in your face than the slim line down the side. Speaking of wasted space and in your face, whats up with that HUGE black nothingness to the right of "PS3"? Could they really not think of something to put there? It seems empty, and makes the whole top of the box seem wasted. The original box, however, seems like an ideal box. Although you do have the empty plastic bit at the top, it's not accentuated as much as in the new box. The slim black down the left also avoids an in-your-face-look-at-me approach, whilst at the same time being instantly recognisable that its a PS3 game.
1 Points to the original box.

Side


Lets ignore Assassin's Creed IIs blandness when next to GTAIV's glitzy logo for a second, and concentrate on the logo-y bits at the top. Part of me really wants to go with the "Wasted Space" thing again, but y'know, the PS3 side is really better. It's not red, for one thing. I mean, red's a cool colour, but unlike Black/White, it clashes with various colours. Having a black/white logo-y bit makes sense, as it means anything below won't look out of place as a result. On top of that, the new logo really fits there, whilst the original looks very squashed and uncomfortable.
PS3: 1
Playstation 3: 1


Back


Oh, no changes. No-score draw this round, then.

Disk


Wow. I'm not sure if the pictures shows it enough, but pretty much the entire bottom 1/6th of the PS3 disk is dominated by a large black logo. I mean, looking closely at the Playstation 3 disk, one can see that the bottom is also dominated by the same text, but even so, at least the Playstation 3 allowed for some disk art behind it. The PS3 logo seems to want nothing more than to flaunt itself in your face, at the expense of pure Ezio here. The logo is also slightly off centre as well, in order to accommodate the Playstation Brand logo. I don't know about you, but this is lightly off putting. Seems a bit of a common-sense design error, actually.

Playstation 3: 2
PS3: 1


Well there you have it, the new design isn't as good as the old one, after doing a score by score tally. I won't argue that the new logo is better, but the way they implemented it on the box was quite bad. But ah well, at least I won't see the box when playing the games, 'eh?

Speaking of which, I'm going to play some Assassin's Creed II. Bye.

Tuesday 17 November 2009

GTAIV Review coming soon? A bit late, but still

I played GTAIV the day it came out, completed it a few days later. However, I was massively disappointed at how serious the game was, especially when compared to classically hilarious games like Vice City.

So today, while Christmas shopping, I spot IV for a cheap £16. So you know what? I'm gonna play it again. This time, in a different mindset. I know it's a serious plot with mroe serious themes, and I'm going to judge it like that this time round.

Lets see if GTAIV can win me around the second time round.

I'm a cyborg, but thats okay



Y'know, when I stuck this movie in, I expected a love story between a robot and a human. Like the anime Chobits, I expected a movie dealing with the issues the guy goes through, as he feels himself loving a machine. I'm assumed this from the cover, which on my DVD was the cover you see up there, but in a nice soft blue. All lovey dovey and shit.
However, the film is about a mental patient who refuses to eat because she thinks she's a cyborg, and another mental patient who believes he can steal peoples souls. So yeah, I was a bit off. Maybe the other cover for this film would have clued me in better:



But, I digress. Despite my original mistake to the films genre, I really enjoyed this film. It was weird as all hell, and I don't think I quite understand all of it, but it is a really good film. The plot, while twisted, is intriguing, the acting is pretty good, and as always with Park Chan-Wook, the directing is top notch.

The plot starts off with Cha Young-goon electrocuting herself by slicing her wrist and sticking wires in it. It was at this point I abandoned the whole "Chobits but live action" idea. Obviously, she gets thrown in a mental institution. Here, she goes about her cyborg ways, wandering around talking to things and licking batteries to recharge. At this point, I realised that Park Chan-Wook really likes his kooky characters. And also, he's good at it. In my Lady Vengeance review I referred to Amelie, which I always placed number 1 of "Kooky Characters Done Well" (a list I took some time and passion to put together), and again I feel comparisons draw with the way Young-Goon runs around being silly. Being able to positively connect the two is always a good thing, Amelie is a brilliant film, and I feel that Park Chan-Wook is just as good as making a great kooky character as Jean-Pierre Jeunet. But again, I digress.
Whilst at the mental asylum, she bumps into Park Il-sun, played by Korean superstar Rain. His problem is that he's a kleptomaniac, and he can steal peoples souls. This leads to several hilarious moments, for example, he steals the soul of a guy who thinks everythings his fault, which leads Il-sun to walk around apologising, believing the soul is now his. The two have a fantastic on screen chemistry, and some of the things they say to each other are very believable (considering they are insane). You can feel the two slowly fall in love, despite their troubled minds, and they show their affection in various ways that the sane would never think of. It's truly a marvel to watch.

Disaster strikes, however, when Young-Goon stops eating, believing it will interfere with her circuitry. This is what takes up the bulk of the film, attempts to get her to eat while she runs away to lick batteries. It's a well thought out plot, and concludes appropriately. However, like all good films, this film has more than one plot, and they all weave together flawlessly. Young-Goon wants to murder all of the Asylum orderlies to save her Grandma, who was committed a few years before. She is low on battery though, so she has to lick batteries like a motherfucker in order to power up. Of course, her feeling weaker is due to her not eating, so it's an interesting take on the whole "Destroying yourself" concept. The plots to this film are very well done, starting and ending where and when they should, with the characters mindset often having a part to play in them.

That's the real beauty of this film. The entire cast are insane. I guarantee you will never see a more fantastic and mad bunch of characters than you will in I'm a Cyborg. It's a film with heart, and severe brain trauma, and it's one I'll quite happily watch again.

Monday 9 November 2009

Well, I fail

Got in, played Torchlight, wrote half a Torchlight review, hated it, didn't save it, am now playing Disgaea 3.

Professional Journalism at it's finest, hey?

Sunday 8 November 2009

Sympathy for Lady Vegeance (spoiler warning)



This is being written when I am very tired. Will probably be revised later.

Now this is one chilling movie. Forget your Blair Witches, your Saws or whatever, here is a movie that chills you damn good. And you know why? Because the whole first act is fairly nice. Well, as nice as a revenge story can be.

The movie begins with Lee Geum-ja being released from prison. Geum-ja was arrested for kidnapping and killing a 6 year old boy. However, all is not what it seems as its revealed that she didn't kill anyone. She was an assistant kidnapper to actual murderor and main antagonist Baek, who said he would kill Geum-jas daughter if she didn't turn herself in for his crime. So obviously, the moment her 13 year sentance is over she decides to do the only natural thing and kill Baek. Hence the "Vengeance" bit of the title.

The character of Lee Geum-Ja is simply fantastic. I mean, really. Here is a character who spends 13 years planning and setting up the killing of one man. Whilst at prison she feigns kindness, and pretends to be a little bit nicer than she actually is. It's all very Amelie, as she goes around pulling pranks with a smile, as nice music plays in the background. Oh, and she also murders the prison bully. Due to this, she becomes the most popular gal in jail. But this is all set up. The moment she gets out, she calls in a helluva lot of favours to get at what she wants.

What does she want? To kill Baek, the most twisted guy I've seen in a movie for a while. Heres a teacher who hates children. "Well" you might be thinking, "I'm pretty sure my English teacher hated children, ho ho ho". Well, maybe, but did he hate them enough to make snuff videos of? Didn't think so. Baek does though. In fact, he's killed quite a few children over the years, and filmed their deaths. Yes, the inclusion of snuff videos are a disturbing choice for a film, but they also make up the scene that makes this movie so chilling:

The bit where Lee Geum-Ja shows the snuff videos to all the kids parents. I don't think a scene has ever made my eyes open so wide. One moment, a blurry video of a blindfolded kid being hung, and the next her screaming mother. Powerful stuff, and it just makes you hate Baek all the more. And I mean hate. It's not often you actually hate a character in a film. You dislike them, sure, but hating a fictional character is a rare thing, and Park-Chan Wook is to be commended for making me hate this guy so much. He should also be commended for killing him in a particulary gruesome way.

Anyway, I'm a bit tired, and probably not in the best mood for writing. Either way, let it be known that Lady Vengeance is a brilliant film. Fantastic directing, fantastic characters, and a brilliant yet simple storyline. If you're a fan of Asian cinema, and in particular Oldboy, you should probably check this out.

Saturday 7 November 2009

Its all a bit Park Chan-Wook



So recently at the London MCM Expo I won a load of Park Chan-Wook swag, including a signed copy of Lady Vengence. I didn't win Oldboy on Bluray, but still, this is an awesome prize.

So, for the next month, I will be reviewing a helluva lot of Park Chan-Wook movies. Starting with Lady Vengence, and I will probably finish off with Oldboy (if I remember to order it off Amazon)

So yeah, enjoy me delve into one of Koreas hottest directors. I will also do a review of 3 extremes 2. He wasnt involved with that, but hey, can't hurt.

Left 4 Demo 2



This demo convinced me that Left4Dead 2 is a good purchase.

That is, if it was a £20 expansion pack to the original.

The game feels very familiar. Where sequals like Half-Life 2 and Modern Warfare feel like completly different experiences that further the franchises as a whole, L4D2 just feels like a fresh coat of paint over the same game. I mean, they've added a whole slew of stuff, but its stuff that doesn't really warrant a whole £40. I suppose the big change gameplay wise is the ability to wield a good number of melee weapons. In my time in the parish, I smacked zombies faces in with a frying pan and rocked their brains out with a guitar. While this was fun, it wasn't £40 fun, you know? It's something that could be an addition to the original L4D. I know asking for free updates is silly (and the boycotters should feel silly), but in a world of paid DLC, is it too much to ask for an expansion of some sort?

Bah, I'm getting ahead of myself. One of the major things I liked about the original L4D was the characters. Being light on backstory, it was their personalities that shone through. Bill, the old tired war vet rambling on was bloody awesome. As was Louise wise cracking, Francis complaining and Zoey...uh...having tits. But in L4D2, I feel theres a lack of awesome personality. In fact, apart from Coach, I struggled to like any of the characters. Nick seemed like the "replacement" for Louise, wisecracking away, but I felt kinda awkward with him. He didn't seems as brilliant as Louise, just...awkward. Rochelle is...well, I think they forgot to give her a personality. Ah well, they can always patch one in. Ellis is a twat. Coach, oh COACH. Coach is BADASS. Out of all the L4D2 characters this is the one I liked the most, and at all. He's pretty much Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince fighting zombies. Hell yeah.

Right, so weapons! Weapons are important in a game like this! Unfortuantly they all look fake and don't feel as good as the original weapons. Ah well, onto the zombies!

The Charger: Mini-tank thats just mildly annoying
The Jockey: Just mildly annoying
The Spitter: Okay this one is actually pretty good. In fact, the Spitter wouldn't seem out of place in the original game.

In short, L4D2 does not seem as groundbreaking as the original. Its pretty much the same, with some cool bits, and some lame bits. If you're planning on buying this, do yourself a favour and wait until it drops in price.

Crab Nicholsons Extreme Sleepover Text Adventure - Theme



Unfortuantly, this game will never be made. However, someone has made a theme:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vECHOv0NL88

>You are alone in your room, with the computer on, shining in your face. You are likely to listen to an awesome fan theme.
click link
>You click the picture of Link from the Legend of Zelda you have on your desktop. The image pops up.
close link
>You close the picture
click youtube link
>FUCK YEAH

Friday 6 November 2009

Belated but oh-so-vital introductory post.

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Hello there, I am Jamie. This is my blog. You seem to have wondered here, probably looking for a disney movie about a boy named James with a giant peach. I don't blame you, it's probably more entertaining than reading a cynical teenager (oh so generic V_//) ramble on about things. Or maybe its not. Maybe you have a very skewed vision of entertainment. Who am I to say?
Well, maybe I should tell you about myself.
I've previously stated my name so I will refrain from doing so again. I am 18, currently attending college, live in England, have ambitions to write when I'm older. I'm taking a film course, which doesn't really compliment this, but hey, thats just how utterly insane I am. I mean I really am wacky. Woo hoo.
My hobbies include sitting on my chair whilst browsing the internet, at the same time as sipping a cup of tea and eating a chocolate digestive. Sometimes I play videogames, sometimes I watch anime or films. I might tell you all what I think of a few of them.

I also write for a bang-up website called Project NPC. I say write for it, I'm somewhat of an editor of the site, and provide a lot of the content. No rest for the wicked, as they say. Except I'm not wicked. Also I'm not wacky. I'm actually quite boring.

Bye.

Transmorphers



Ah rip-off cinema. Taking a films title, slightly altering it, and releasing a totally unrelated movie using that title is a sure fire way to make some dosh, right? Some gullible idiot will thing "Transmorphers? Isnt that out at the cinema? Ill have that!". And some gullible idiot will thing "Transmorphers? I could review that for my blog! I'll have that!".

Let me start off saying that I hate Transformers. I liked the TV show, but I felt the movies relyed too much on special effects and the humans, rather than robots. In fact, that describes most of Michael Bay films- taking a good concept, then ruining it. Anyway, the point is I sat down to watch Transmorphers with hesitation. "This film will be worse than Transformers. God help me" I thought to myself as I pressed Play. Well, you know what? Transmorphers is an okay film, and I'd rather watch it than Transformers, or any other Bay film.


The storyline is pretty basic. Robots invade Earth, force humans underground, humans find way to defeat robots, go defeat robots. It's a very cheesy sci-fi, but it holds itself up with a degree of effort on the directors part. The effects are shit, the acting is wooden, but you always get the feeling that the director was trying to go for something here. Every now and again he'd have split shots, showing different characters. Although they kinda fall flat, you can see what he was going for, and you have to respect the man for going against established conventions to try something new. The directing in Transformers, for example, is very safe. It doesn't try anything new, it just does action standard shots and is very basic. I'd say the directing in Transmorphers is better simply because you feel the director wants to try and make something out of what is just a rip-off movie.

The acting, as said before, is wooden as hell. A lot of lines are delivered with a degree of uncertainty on the actors part, and one line in particular (Theres a bogey on my ass!) conjured up images in my mind that I don't think were intended. However, the main character (played by...Matt Wolf, I think) was badass. The acting wasn't perfect, but you knew this character was badass. He was likeable, a renegade, and you can't help but feel a teeny bit of compassion at the end where something spoiler-licious happens. I dunno, maybe I went in with low expectations, but I liked the characters in this movie. The acting wasn't great, but the characters were. Better than Shia Labeuf running around trying to fuck Megan Fox anyway.

Now, Transformers is a film that got by entirely on effects. So a rip-off movie must have some fancy effects up its sleeve as well, right? Well, no. Not really. In fact, I've seen work handed in for a college workship (not even an assignment!) with better effects than this. Really pulls you out the action to see a videogame cutscene start fighting with the characters. But hey, the budget for this film was probably 70p, so I can't complain too much.
Wait, yes I can, this was a commercial release. Get a better effects guy next time, okay guys?

Now, really, this is a film that will always be judged by the title. No matter how surprisingly good this film is, the fact it presents itself as a blatent rip-off of Transformers will always make it crap in the eyes of fans and critics. Which is a shame, a different title and a few more months in editing and we'd have a bonafide cult classic here. But unfortuantly we're left with an okay title that will always be buried under rip-off accusations. Oh well.

Kampfer episodes 1 - 4



Ah, fanservice. Boobs boobs boobs all over your screen. Or at least, thats what Kampfer is.
Let me start off by saying, I enjoy the occasional fanservice anime. Hey, I'm only human. But most fanservice anime at least show you some good comedy or something, but not Kampfer. Nope, Kampfer is all about the bootie.

The story follows a boy who gets turned into a girl. Why? Because he's a Kampfer. Whats a Kampfer? Its a girl who fights other girls. The boy, who's name I've forgotten, has to struggle with randomly turning into a girl, and everyday school life. Thats pretty much the entire 4 episodes in a nutshell.
The characters in Kampfer are very typical for this type of anime. You have the clueless main character who doesnt notice most of his female companions passes at him, the nerdy girl, the tsundere girl and the slightly too obsessed girl. There will probably be a loli character introduced further on in the series. Honestly, I wish I could tell you more about the story and characters, but there isn't much to tell. The whole anime is based off of "Sexy situation, lame punchline. Rinse. Repeat". And even that isn't particulary well written.

The animation isn't that bad. Being animated by Nomad, who brought us the Rozen Maiden animated series, helps make this lacklustre series pretty to look at, but unfortuantly not much else. The character designs are okay, but again very typical. The backgrounds, typical. The animation, average.

This review is gonna seem really shit. Thats because this anime is so bland its hard to talk about. Really. I think the best review I can give it is in one line:

If you need a wank, watch Kampfer.


Fallout 3 review




Ah, the Fallout series. An iconic post-apocalyptic RPG set after a nuclear war that forces humanity to live in underground Vaults for years as radiation dies down. The series was originally developed by Black Isle, before Bethesda took the reigns for the game. Bethesda, as you may know, developed the popular Elder Scrolls series of games, the latest of which being Oblivion.

Although Oblivion is a great game, as are the other Elder Scrolls games, their gameplay mechanics are completely different compared to Fallout 1 and 2’s, so this aroused much concern from fans as to whether Bethesda could faithfully reconstruct the much loved series or if they would just make Oblivion with guns. Well, judging on face value alone, it’s easy to say they went with the “Oblivion with guns” option, but how true is this? Read the review to find out.

Straight from the get go, Fallout 3 is better than Oblivion. Oblivion’s introduction consisted of you being in prison for some reason, then following the emperor for some reason, and then being sent on a quest to save the world…for some reason. Fallout 3 starts differently: you start at birth, which is a very clever way of setting up the character creation process. Select “Male” and the Doctor says “it’s a beautiful baby boy!”. It may be a small thing, but it really adds a certain punch to the intro. You then fiddle around with your appearance before going to infancy. This is where you learn how to move, and set up your stats using a baby book called SPECIAL. Some might find this method of creating your character too long, considering most other RPGs give you one screen at the beginning to do it on, but it really adds to the atmosphere and helps you immerse yourself in the game. After the character creation and some various quests in the Vault, you’re told your Dad has run away. You are then kicked out the Vault, and this is where the game truly starts.

The first thing you’ll want to do upon leaving the Vault is go to the much touted Megaton, something Bethesda talked about a lot during promotion. Megaton is a small town of survivors, with a nuclear bomb sitting dead center of their little Hoover-ville. This is the first real taste of “Good or Evil” in the game, as the player can leave Megaton the way it was, or as a huge crater. As a fan of “choice” in games, I really enjoyed this part of the game, but it ultimately sets up for disappointment. After you’ve destroyed an entire town, there’s nothing more evil you can really do. I feel that Megaton should of been further into the game, as after that every evil deed seems shallow in comparison. “Okay, I told a beggar to shut up. But that’s not evil considering I murdered an entire town” is something I thought a lot during my travels through the wastelands. That’s really a minor annoyance, thankfully the greatness of the rest of the game makes up for it.

The graphics in Fallout 3 are well done. It’s not the most beautiful game on the 360, but then again it’s not supposed to be. Broken houses and debris litter the ground and the view distance is impressive, to say the least. The textures aren’t as great as they could be in places, but with a game this massive we’ve come to suspect that the graphics wouldn’t be spectacular. However, that’s not to say they are bad, and suit the game very well. The designers must have spent ages twiddling them and it shows, as they’re one of the main factors that draws you into the experience. The frame rate handles surprisingly well, considering the large amount of data having to be handled on screen at once. One thing I do have to mention about the graphics, is that I’ve heard the PS3 version of the game is far inferior to the 360 and PC versions. I haven’t seen this myself, considering I’m playing the 360 version, but PS3 owners should keep this in mind.

The sound in this game is fantastic. The voice acting is far superior to Oblivion’s (I saw a mudcrab the other day) and the music…well, I’m going out on a limb here and saying it’s the best music in the history of gaming. There are various radio stations the player can select to play whilst out in the wastelands. Admittedly, I don’t know if I have all of them, but I will tell you about the ones I do have. The first is the Enclave Radio. The Enclave are people claiming to be the new US Government, and their radio station shows it. The “DJ” reminds me of 1960 Stereotypical Communist Hating Radio Hosts, and tells you constantly about how great the Enclave is. This is broken up by patriotic American music that fits the overall theme of this station well. The second radio station I obtained (you might get it later, seeing on how open the game is) was Galaxy News Radio, and let me tell you, I LOVE this station. The DJ has a cool rebellious voice who tells you news on the Wasteland, and also talks about your travels. This is broken up by 1930s Big Band Music, which is the best music to be wandering the wasteland with. Sounds like it’ll be out of place, but no, it really fits. Having this radio on whilst playing is a must, it completes the game and proves that music can complete a game. The third station I’ve got is Agatha’s Station. You get this station by completing a series of quests for an old lady named Agatha. Her station consists of her sitting there playing Violin all day, whilst occasionally saying “thanks to the young man who helped me”. Yeah, I found this station particularly uninteresting, and more confusing as to why she was thanking me after I shot her in the face with her dead husbands revolver.

The story of the game is well…lacking. It’s over before you know it, and doesn’t really instill the emotion that other games have with with their stories recently. There isn’t really much to say on the story, but I will tell you one thing: there’s a Vault where you look for your dad in. You go into a hallucinogenic machine, and trust me, this is the best part of the game, hands down. That one mission makes up for the otherwise gigantic waste of disk space that is “The main story”.

Ah, and now I talk about the meat of the game: the gameplay. How does it compare to the original Fallout games? Is it just Oblivion with guns? Well, it certainly compares well to the games. But, in some ways, it also is Oblivion with guns. In fact, if you’ve played Oblivion, you will know exactly how to play Fallout 3 as soon as you start, but that doesn’t mean it’s a complete copy. The game’s much touted “VATS” system is a treat to use, and some Fallout-inspired humor is certainly present, but the niggling thought that you’ve played this before never really goes away. I remember not long into playing I saw a human wielding a melee weapon, running exactly the same as a person with a dagger runs in Oblivion; which really threw me out of the experience. It also upset me that Bethesda would reuse animations like that, especially after all the Oblivion stick they got during development. It seems like a really cheap move, and something I would not expect from Bethesda. However, ignore these things and you’ll find a truly deep and immersive gameplay experience. The VATS feature works well, and 30 hours in I’m still not bored of it. It adds to the Fallout flavor and doesn’t make things as easy as I originally feared, but even though a lot of work has obviously been put into VATS, shooting without it works just as fine to. In fact, in some situations it works better.

Honestly, I don’t think anyone wants to hear that much about the combat when it comes to Fallout 3. The main pull of the game is of course the massive moral choice system, as well as huge dialogue trees and interesting characters, and yes, it does have all of these. The moral choice system, though seemingly a bit weedy after the impact of Megaton, works very well, a lot better than some games anyway. The dialogue works in every aspect, usually with a wide variety of things to say, and most of the characters seem lovingly crafted. I say most because there are people called “Rivet City Villager” who don’t say anything, but the majority of the people you meet will talk to you, and respond differently to things you say; Which is a major difference from Oblivion, let me tell you. Here, asking two people “How to get to place A” will warrant two completely different answers, unlike Oblivion where you were given the same answer by the same voice actor. The game really shines in this respect, and will be one of the factors that keep you playing.

So, is Fallout 3 a worthy addition to the Fallout series? Well, yes, it is, but it would fit better as the Elder Scrolls V. It feels more like a flavor of Oblivion than a Fallout game, but this is by no means a bad thing. People who enjoyed Oblivion will definitely love this, and old Fallout fans…well, if the Fallout-esque humor doesn’t pull you in, then the interesting characters, brilliant combat system or even the beautifully crafted environments probably will. One of the better games out this year, and any person who calls himself a WRPG fan should have this on their Christmas list.




NOTE: This review was originally written for GamerBlag, a wonderful review blog that I wrote for once and then couldn't be bothered to write for again. It was written about a week after the game came out, hence the Christmas list bit.
NOTE2: A year after this review was written, I felt I should say that I wrote this trying not to draw comparisions to the originals.

Cloverfield Review

Cloverfield is a Horror/Sci-fi/Mystery thing directed by Matt Reeves, director of such big hits as "The Pallbearer" and "Pilot episode of Conviction", about a monster attacking America. The same story-line seen a dozen times before in King Kong, Pearl Harbour and Godzilla.
The thing that sets this movie apart from the rest however, is it's "shaky camera" effect, made famous by the Blair Witch. I don't know why they'd want to copy the Blair Witch of all things, but what the hey, let's see how it goes.
It starts off by breaking rule 1 of monster movies: The shit must hit the fan within 10 minutes. However, the shit just sits idly by chatting to his friends at a party for about 20 minutes, before the action starts. And at this point, the film just goes from strength to strength.
Let me say one thing, I hate modern films. Especially action films. They're mostly just dumb with no story-line, and often fall flat on its face (See: Bad Boys 1 and 2). But Cloverfield (whilst not strictly an action film, but whatever) really does set a new standard. The "camera held by the protagonist" effect works surprisingly well in this film, with you only catching glimpses of the creature whilst everyone else see's it clearly. But this is fine, it keeps you on your toes and guessing what the fucks going to happen next and also what the fuck the creature looks like. However, some bits raise an eyebrow, like when he holds the camera up whilst running rather than swinging his arms, but that's just nitpicking.
A lot of complaints that has risen about this film run along the lines of "Why would he keep filming during a time like this", but I don't think these people have seen the average American public before. How many videos are there of 9/11? Hundreds. People like to film disasters for some reason. I don't know why, maybe they have a sick fetish of seeing broken buildings and huge monsters and are filming it so if they do get out of the danger zone alive then at least they have something to jack off to afterwards.
The actors used in the film are largely unknown (in fact, this is the protagonists first film), but this works well for the film. The actors do a marvelous job of it all, conveying the emotions that you would expect arise from a time like that, notably insanity and panic.

If I do have to criticize the film, and I do, it would be the comic relief inserted into it. If your best friends brother has just died (that was a spoiler, by the way), you wouldn't be talking about flaming homeless men. And I'm not using "flaming" as another word for "fucking", I mean literally homeless men on fire. Another thing I felt this film did was wrong was when it showed the creature in full clear view near the end, which for me takes away from the mystery of it. For me the best part of the film was leaning closer to the TV to try and get a better view of the monster, and thinking about how I'm going to google "cloverfield monster" right after the film, but then it just showed me what it was anyway, which made if more like the American "Godzilla" than "A good movie".

All in all though, Cloverfield is an enjoyable movie, it's not perfect but then again, nothing in the last 5 years of cinema has been. I recommend you seeing it, but don't be surprised if the ending left you a little disappointed.


Click here to buy the dolly of the Cloverfield Monster. Because it really needed a fucking action figure.