CeX

CeX! I'm calling you out!

I've had enough! Enough of your cheap and wide array of DVDs! Enough of spending way too much money in you! Enough of selling all my worldy possessions in you! Enough of being late to important meetings because of you!

I am breaking up with you! I will hereby never set foot in your store again!

Until probably saturday when I have money see you later babes xx

Today I bought:

Clerks. X
Clerks 2
Ben-Hur
Brokeback Mountain
Scrooged
Time Machine

For like £14. ._.

Y'know, probably should start using my blog as a, well, blog

Right, so, my day. Was alright. Then shit. Then alright.

Oh, you want me to go further? Well, okay.

Had a "University Taster" day today at Portsmouth Uni. So it obviously tasted of shit. Okay, bit harsh, but I have to say their "Creative Writing" lecturer rubbed me the wrong way. She introduced herself, like so:

"Hi, I'm Blah Blah, a published author. Here are my books"

Now, sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but that's a pretty fucking pompous introduction. Hey, I have no problem if she said something like "I'm an author", but putting the word 'published' makes the pompous pie, my friend. Also, showing off your books? Stop advertising, if they were good enough to buy I'd have heard of them.
Anyway, she then spent an hour talking about Greek Mythology. Yeah, creative writing! Well, her excuse for this was that every story can be traced back to Greek mythology, and there are no original stories or characters.

Well, hold on a minute, there's no Greek story about aliens being unfrozen at an Antarctic Research station. Or about Bill Murray capturing ghosts. "Well," you might be saying, "They're sorta derived from the Good VS Evil stories of that time".
And that's the shittest support for a theory I've ever heard. That's like saying rocks have always existed, so Stonehenge is pretty unoriginal. I mean christ, films are more complicated nowadays. We have films that aren't Good VS Evil, because the evil is a skewed version of good. We have films that aren't a "Classic love triangle", but with more complicated romantical themes around them. Films, and in fact, stories in general (I'm a Film student, I talk about films a lot, so sue me), have evolved so much that comparing them to the tales of old and saying that they have SLIGHTLY similar themes and therefore are not original is downright insulting.
This woman also tried to convince us of the "same stories" theory by telling us about the Aztec creation theory and the Christianity creation theory, and pointing out the similarities.
WELL, DUH. Christianity is a COMBINATION of several religions. Pointing out similarities between that and other religions is like pointing out similarities between I Am Legend and Omega Man.

But ah well, silly lady left, then we visited some media gents. Finally, something interesting! Had a rousing discussion about 3-D and how it'll be the next big thing. Except, honestly, I don't think it will.
Okay, I get the appeal of maybe watching the odd show in 3-D, sure. Watching an episode of Doctor Who a week in 3-D, I can get behind that. But does anyone want to watch all their TV in 3-D? Does anyone want to watch a 3hr long movie in 3-D? Will anyone actually care if somethings not in 3-D?
I'm sure most of you agree with me on this. The jump from B+W to colour was somewhat needed. 4:3 to Widescreen allowed a more cinematic experience. SD to HD gives us better quality. What does 3-D give us? A novelty. And headaches if used for too long. It's not the next big thing, it's a novelty, and I honestly think that most people will pass it up.


But anyway, we left the Uni, we went to McDonalds, me and my friends ate food and were merry. I went to CeX and bought some banging films. The Thing, Children of Men, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Terminator and Be Kind, Rewind.

Okay, banging except that last one. But hey, you have to admit that for an American comedy, it put out a pretty funny trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYOKFV0XNZA

Try linking that to a Greek myth.

18 Year Old Virgin

At what point does a film stop becoming a movie, and become a porno? This is a question that 18 Year Old Virgin, another Asylum 'Mockbuster', ponders on a great deal.

The plot centres around Cute-but-Virgin-Girl (I can't remembers anyone's names, so sue me. We'll call her CbVG for now) as she tries to lose her virginity at a party so she can sleep with a guy who has a 'no virgins' policy. I say "Policy", he phrases it like this:

"I'm sorry, I made a vow to myself. I can't have sex with a virgin". The word "Vow" adds so much power to this line. It's as if he's been plagued in the past. I can imagine this character, on a stormy night in Bickley, finding upon a virgin who promises to love him so. Through months of courting, they end up in the bedroom, where he unleashes the furious sexual beast he has onto her unsuspecting pure and virgin body. He feels satisfied to have pleased his virgin lover. She moans about how good it was, and how brilliant he is in bed. And then she puts the X Factor on.
Never again will he make that mistake.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. So, CbVG spends the majority of the movie running around this party trying to fuck dudes. So what we basically have is awkward sex scene after awkward scene, with a lot of boobs and vagina's to keep the spirits high. And this is where my original question comes into play: At what point does it become porn? You don't see any actual insertion, but its a film about sex with lots of nudity in. Surely that makes it porn? Because if so...It's good. Plotwise, I mean. I mean, its got some funny lines in, the acting is decent, and the story is entertaining (despite a rather predictable ending).
However, if this was intended to be a teenage comedy with some nudity thrown in...then...
It's just not good enough. The funny lines are few and far between, and the acting doesn't make up for the unbelievable characters presented. For example, you expect me to believe that a cute, virgin girl can't find a single boy, at a party where lots of boys are drinking, to fuck? I mean come on, I've been to parties, if a girl is willing enough a girl WILL get laid. Hell, the fact the dude at the beginning didn't jump on her is a sign that he is gay. Spoiler, at the end it's revealed he's gay. Doy.
The funny bits come thin and slow, with a lot of the humour relying on awkward situations. It's a comedy style that's been so perfected by Peep Show its odd to see an American Mockbuster try to compete, but it does give it a go. The highlight of the awkwardness is when CbVG tries to get it with Gwlhbwaiute (Guy who loves her but won't admit it until the end. Lets call him Gwilh for short), and the awkwardness is almost unbearable. In a funny way.
When it comes to the humour, I would like to quickly mention one line. It came out of nowhere, and actually made me laugh quite a bit.

"I will wait until 40 to lost my virginity if I have to"


Nice, referencing the film you're trying to rip people into thinking is yours. I found this an amusing, slight-self referential line, and I do have to pat the backs of the writers for that line. But then stab them for all the others.

But, no matter how I complain about it, the film isn't extremely terrible. Y'know, compared to a few other Asylum films, I'd say it stacks up pretty well. This could be in cinemas. Hell, worse films have been in cinemas across the country. In short, this film is the tits. Literally.

Playstation 3 Boxes VS PS3 Boxes

I bought Assassins Creed 2 today, on the day of its UK release. I could go and start playing it right now.

But I'm going to review boxes instead.



Front

Assassins Creed 2 is the new PS3 design, Grand Theft Auto IV is the old Playstation 3 design

Right off the bat, the new design seems a bit off. At the top, underneath the clear plastic makes it look like a lot more space is being wasted. It also seems more in your face than the slim line down the side. Speaking of wasted space and in your face, whats up with that HUGE black nothingness to the right of "PS3"? Could they really not think of something to put there? It seems empty, and makes the whole top of the box seem wasted. The original box, however, seems like an ideal box. Although you do have the empty plastic bit at the top, it's not accentuated as much as in the new box. The slim black down the left also avoids an in-your-face-look-at-me approach, whilst at the same time being instantly recognisable that its a PS3 game.
1 Points to the original box.

Side


Lets ignore Assassin's Creed IIs blandness when next to GTAIV's glitzy logo for a second, and concentrate on the logo-y bits at the top. Part of me really wants to go with the "Wasted Space" thing again, but y'know, the PS3 side is really better. It's not red, for one thing. I mean, red's a cool colour, but unlike Black/White, it clashes with various colours. Having a black/white logo-y bit makes sense, as it means anything below won't look out of place as a result. On top of that, the new logo really fits there, whilst the original looks very squashed and uncomfortable.
PS3: 1
Playstation 3: 1


Back


Oh, no changes. No-score draw this round, then.

Disk


Wow. I'm not sure if the pictures shows it enough, but pretty much the entire bottom 1/6th of the PS3 disk is dominated by a large black logo. I mean, looking closely at the Playstation 3 disk, one can see that the bottom is also dominated by the same text, but even so, at least the Playstation 3 allowed for some disk art behind it. The PS3 logo seems to want nothing more than to flaunt itself in your face, at the expense of pure Ezio here. The logo is also slightly off centre as well, in order to accommodate the Playstation Brand logo. I don't know about you, but this is lightly off putting. Seems a bit of a common-sense design error, actually.

Playstation 3: 2
PS3: 1


Well there you have it, the new design isn't as good as the old one, after doing a score by score tally. I won't argue that the new logo is better, but the way they implemented it on the box was quite bad. But ah well, at least I won't see the box when playing the games, 'eh?

Speaking of which, I'm going to play some Assassin's Creed II. Bye.

GTAIV Review coming soon? A bit late, but still

I played GTAIV the day it came out, completed it a few days later. However, I was massively disappointed at how serious the game was, especially when compared to classically hilarious games like Vice City.

So today, while Christmas shopping, I spot IV for a cheap £16. So you know what? I'm gonna play it again. This time, in a different mindset. I know it's a serious plot with mroe serious themes, and I'm going to judge it like that this time round.

Lets see if GTAIV can win me around the second time round.

I'm a cyborg, but thats okay

Y'know, when I stuck this movie in, I expected a love story between a robot and a human. Like the anime Chobits, I expected a movie dealing with the issues the guy goes through, as he feels himself loving a machine. I'm assumed this from the cover, which on my DVD was the cover you see up there, but in a nice soft blue. All lovey dovey and shit.
However, the film is about a mental patient who refuses to eat because she thinks she's a cyborg, and another mental patient who believes he can steal peoples souls. So yeah, I was a bit off. Maybe the other cover for this film would have clued me in better:

But, I digress. Despite my original mistake to the films genre, I really enjoyed this film. It was weird as all hell, and I don't think I quite understand all of it, but it is a really good film. The plot, while twisted, is intriguing, the acting is pretty good, and as always with Park Chan-Wook, the directing is top notch.

The plot starts off with Cha Young-goon electrocuting herself by slicing her wrist and sticking wires in it. It was at this point I abandoned the whole "Chobits but live action" idea. Obviously, she gets thrown in a mental institution. Here, she goes about her cyborg ways, wandering around talking to things and licking batteries to recharge. At this point, I realised that Park Chan-Wook really likes his kooky characters. And also, he's good at it. In my Lady Vengeance review I referred to Amelie, which I always placed number 1 of "Kooky Characters Done Well" (a list I took some time and passion to put together), and again I feel comparisons draw with the way Young-Goon runs around being silly. Being able to positively connect the two is always a good thing, Amelie is a brilliant film, and I feel that Park Chan-Wook is just as good as making a great kooky character as Jean-Pierre Jeunet. But again, I digress.
Whilst at the mental asylum, she bumps into Park Il-sun, played by Korean superstar Rain. His problem is that he's a kleptomaniac, and he can steal peoples souls. This leads to several hilarious moments, for example, he steals the soul of a guy who thinks everythings his fault, which leads Il-sun to walk around apologising, believing the soul is now his. The two have a fantastic on screen chemistry, and some of the things they say to each other are very believable (considering they are insane). You can feel the two slowly fall in love, despite their troubled minds, and they show their affection in various ways that the sane would never think of. It's truly a marvel to watch.

Disaster strikes, however, when Young-Goon stops eating, believing it will interfere with her circuitry. This is what takes up the bulk of the film, attempts to get her to eat while she runs away to lick batteries. It's a well thought out plot, and concludes appropriately. However, like all good films, this film has more than one plot, and they all weave together flawlessly. Young-Goon wants to murder all of the Asylum orderlies to save her Grandma, who was committed a few years before. She is low on battery though, so she has to lick batteries like a motherfucker in order to power up. Of course, her feeling weaker is due to her not eating, so it's an interesting take on the whole "Destroying yourself" concept. The plots to this film are very well done, starting and ending where and when they should, with the characters mindset often having a part to play in them.

That's the real beauty of this film. The entire cast are insane. I guarantee you will never see a more fantastic and mad bunch of characters than you will in I'm a Cyborg. It's a film with heart, and severe brain trauma, and it's one I'll quite happily watch again.

Well, I fail

Got in, played Torchlight, wrote half a Torchlight review, hated it, didn't save it, am now playing Disgaea 3.

Professional Journalism at it's finest, hey?